Just for fun - sometimes we need a little humor

[missdead13]

[Monsters For Sale]

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"

[Monsters For Sale]

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

[Dr. Blasko]

What do you call skydiving lawyers?

Skeet!

[Monsters For Sale]

How do you get a one armed blonde down out of a tree?

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                                 Wave!

[Dr. Blasko]

Three blondes were walking through the woods they came across some tracks. The first blonde said "these are deer tracks". The second blonde said "no, these are moose tracks". The third blonde said "no, you're both wrong, these are horse tracks". While they were arguing over what kind of tracks they were, the train hit them.

[Monsters For Sale]

A blonde, brunette and redhead were walking along the beach, when a seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette says in a disgusted voice "hang on, the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead asks "what's so funny ?"

The blonde says "well, blondes are suppose to be so dumb and look at her, by the time she gets back with the toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"

[BigShadow]

Soon as I seen this I almost spit my coffe out laughing, LOL.....

[Dr. Blasko]

A blonde, brunette and redhead were walking along the beach, when a seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette says in a disgusted voice "hang on, the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead asks "what's so funny ?"

The blonde says "well, blondes are suppose to be so dumb and look at her, by the time she gets back with the toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"

That just happened to my aunt. I need to share this joke with her XD

[Monsters For Sale]

A redneck was standing in the middle of the road yelling, "57! 57!" A blonde saw him doing this so she ran to the middle of the road and started yelling, "57! 57!".

A tractor trailer was coming down the road towards them at about 60 miles per hour, so the redneck jumped to the side of the road. The blonde, however, got hit by the truck and got smeared all over the road.

Then the redneck jumped back on the road and started yelling, "58! 58!"

[BigShadow]

Count Dracula walks into a local bar and says" Bartender, may I have a glass of water please?" The bartender, being very curious, gives the count a glass of water and asks the count, "What do you need with a glass of water? " The Count whips out a Blood covered, well used Tampon from under his coat and proceeds to drop it in the Glass of water...then he looks up at the Bartender and says..." I Thought I would make me a glass of Ice Tea this time...!!!"

[FACTO2]

[Wolf Man]

Thanks for the laughs, folks, I needed that today. 

[Fester]

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, Dear, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: " The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is bigger than the President?"

Cop: "I'm not sure, but He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

[Unknown Primate]

A pretty, young Kentucky girl told her Pa that she was pregnant by a guy named Clarence, who lived in Ohio.  Pa loaded his pick-up with all his sons & nephews and headed for Ohio to "get that boy and whup his ass!".

Halfway there, he went under an overpass.  Suddenly, he slammed on his brakes, skidded on the road and did a U-turn and started racing back towards Kentucky.  The good ol' boys yelled, "What are you going back for?"

Pa replied, "To get your cousins - that sign said, CLARENCE: 14 feet 8 inches!!!