Toys That Walk And Talk

[roheimiana]

I hope he doesn't join the toy insurrection.

I've been giving a good deal of thought to this problem and have reached some preliminary conclusions. It seems, for example, that toys taller than 12" have large enough brains that they can be reasoned with, particularly if you invoke their greater mass when making such threats as: "Sorry, Big Frankie, but you're much more likely to break than bounce when I drop you down the stairs". Contrariwise, toys such as the Remco minimonsters have a cortex so diminutive that they make the term "pea-brain" sound like a compliment. Indeed, toys like these must be double duct-taped inside their playcases if the social order is to survive.

No, it's really the 4 to 12 inchers who present the greatest challenge here. They're bright enough to be swayed by simple argument but cannot, alas, distinguish between a sound one (made by us humans) and a malicious one (made by the evil-doers in their own ranks, of which there now appear to be several who post on this board with disturbing regularity). Therefore I recommend the approach of Traumatic Photo-Therapy. I promise, for instance, that if you scotch-tape the following picture to your baseboards (just about eye-level for the little beggars in question), then you should be relatively rebellion-free for weeks to come:

[fmofmpls]

Roheimiana, your my kind of collector alright! Your post is a sure highlight of my day. I just love it when a collector refuses to be owned by his possessions! Especially toys that mouth off. Your tortuous approach in retaining command of plastic pieces of junk should be the benchmark for all. If a toy begins to spout off, what better way to regain control than bodily dismemberment? I'm impressed. And I would love to see more of your grand guignol. Bravo!   

[fmofmpls]

I'm enjoying your sadistic toy pictures so much that I'm giving serious thought to creating a Toy S & M folder here at our Gallery. Delightful. Pure delightful.

[roheimiana]

I'm enjoying your sadistic toy pictures so much that I'm giving serious thought to creating a Toy S & M folder here at our Gallery.

Dear General,

Please do not confuse my philosophy of Tough Love with S&M! While the former may benefit from the occasional use of torture implements, it certainly does not require them.

Take, for example, the little brouhaha I recently had with Big Frankie and mentioned on an earlier thread. This was when he was carelessly leaping out of his display case, scampering all over the house, and badly scuffing up the perfect paint-job I'd given him. "G.F.," said I, "if you persist in destroying all my hard work, I'll have no choice but to toss you in the garbage can and buy myself another recast with a more sober and responsible temperament".

And guess what I found the next morning? Why, Big Frankie was feeling so ashamed that he'd taken my words to heart and already punished himself, quite literally:



Mind you, such self-corrective action by toys DOES DEPEND upon a certain minimum brain-size, an issue to which I believe the research wing of the UMA should attend ASAP.

[poseablemonster]

 

[raycastile]

Aw, poor big Frankie!  Give him a hug.

[The Drunken Severed Head]

Yes, Big Frankie needs some love!

My Sideshow Wolf Man has been very antisocial with the other toys lately, and has been very bad.


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[roheimiana]

I really don't know what to do anymore! I helped Big Frankie out of the garbage, cleaned him up, and granted him a special favor – I allowed him to take his own favorite toy to bed last night. BUT JUST LOOK AT WHAT THAT TOY IS NOW TEACHING HIM TO DO!!!!

[HMAEA]

I really don't know what to do anymore! I helped Big Frankie out of the garbage, cleaned him up, and granted him a special favor – I allowed him to take his own favorite toy to bed last night. BUT JUST LOOK AT WHAT THAT TOY IS NOW TEACHING HIM TO DO!!!!

Speechless!


E.A.

[The Drunken Severed Head]

Sideshow Wolf Man said he wanted a doll to sleep with. A female one. I asked "Which one?" He said he didn't remember its name. So I said "Describe it." He just did this:

[raycastile]

It's nice to finally hear from all of our toys.  They have many different personalities and orientations.

[fmofmpls]

Thank God for this thread because I've got problems. For over 10 yrs my AHI bendy Creature has been a civil and obedient monster toy. He knew his place and never questioned my authority. His life was one of being landlocked behind glass with no lagoon in sight. Only dust. 




All that has since changed when I awoke last night to use the bathroom and found this startling sight! 



My heart sank as did my bowel movement. I knew he belonged elsewhere. I did what any goodhearted person would do.



It has been said if you love somebody, set them free. Swim my dear friend, and don't look back. 

[The Drunken Severed Head]

I sure hope you flushed the Gill man toy BEFORE you "did your bowel movement."

My Sideshow Wolfie was so distressed by the picture of what he thought was a dead monster toy that he tried to end it all too!

[roheimiana]

Wherever that Creature surfaces, it'll probably end up on eBay described as "mint, from a smoke-free home"....

[monstroza]

Look what you started Chris...I hope ypur happy...