Just for fun - sometimes we need a little humor

[Illoman]

Awesome, Scatter!!! 

[FACTO2]

Boobs and Willies

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'   

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.   
In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'   

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'   

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'   

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through   
Three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.     
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.   

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.

[Mcdee]

LMAO John!!!

Here's one my brother sent me today...


Mcdee

[Illoman]

Subject: Have a Happy Life



        Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.
       

        Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

        One day, their good health didn't help when they went on yet another holiday vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

       

        They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
     

        Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

        Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..

        'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony..
        'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
       

        Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch.
        'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

        Tony looked around and nervously asked Yvonne, 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?'

        'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

        'No gym to work out at?' said Tony
        'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
        'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
        'Never again'
       
        Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

[Illoman]

This cracked me up....

[Illoman]

[Scatter]

I want this on my wall!!

[Unknown Primate]

Here's a Gorilla joke I heard a long time ago - it's really better as a visual...  I'll try not to drag it out.

This guy is at the zoo and stops in front of the gorilla cage, inhabited by a 500 pound silverback.  The guy gets an itch on his nose and scratches it.  He notices that the gorilla mimics his actions, so he spends a few minutes making hand movements & whatnot with the big ape, who does everything the guy does.  Suddenly, a gust of wind blows some dust into the guy's eye and he wipes at it with his index finger.  The gorilla goes ape-s*** and reaches out through the bars, grabs the guy and starts slamming him over & over against the steel cage!  The zookeepers rush to his aid and wrest the battered man from the gorilla's grip.  The guy is busted up, bleeding and black & blue.  The zookeepers ask him what he did and he tells them the whole interaction thing.  When he tells them about wiping the dust out of his eye, they explain, " Well, that's it - in gorilla lanquage, pulling down the lower eyelid means, 'kiss my ass'!  You're lucky he didn't kill you! "  The guy gets treated at the medical center, then goes home.

The more he thinks about it, the more steamed he gets.  He decides to get revenge on the gorilla.  A few weeks later, he's back at the zoo in front of the gorilla cage.  Their eyes meet, but the gorilla obviously doesn't recognize him.  The guy pulls out 2 huge butcher knives and hands one to the ape.  The guys swings his knife around, cutting at the air, and once again, the gorilla makes the same exact moves with his knife that the guy does.  Suddenly, the guy pulls out a big salami, holds it out near his groin and slices it in half!

The gorilla stops & looks directly at the guy - then he takes his index finger and pulls down on his lower eyelid.

[Illoman]

UP that's hilarious!!!

[Illoman]

[Illoman]

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather
the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think
the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

[Fester]

Great!  Now I have that song running through my head!

[Fester]

New book club . . .

Oprah's Book Club is gonna get its butt kicked.

[Opera Ghost]

LMAO John!!!

Here's one my brother sent me today...


Mcdee

I love this one!!

[Opera Ghost]

This one is exceptionally timely. Wife recently bought a Beta fish, and two acquatic Frogs for my son, and they live in a small tank in the kitchen


OG