Dracula vs. Coffin Joe Roast off

[The Drunken Severed Head]

I admit I was nervous when I saw the start of this thread. But it appears everyone is having fun with it-- and I'm enjoying very much!

Dracula speaks at least two languages, and with his charm and good fashion sense, can get into any 5-star restaurant. Coffin Joe, who only speaks one language, wouldn't get past a bouncer as tough as he is. (And in New York, there are bouncers that tough. Maybe not in Brazil.)

[Gary D Macabre]

With all the drugs, perversion and violence, in Awakening of the Beast at least Coffin Joe will be spared a BBC remake saying it's a story about syphilis.

[ramsey37]

Ze is served by arseholes (yeah, Martians, I know) while Dracula falls through iceholes (see Dracula, Prince of Darkness)
George

[Gary D Macabre]

Dracula's home is inhabited by Armadillos, Opossums, Giant spiders and Jerusalem crickets, Bats, rats and other cool creepy crawlies.

Coffin Joe's home is infested with these things

[raycastile]

Count Alucard loses his head when he meets a clever, rich woman. When Prof. Oaxiac Odez meets one, he cuts off her head, cooks it and puts it on a dinner platter.

[mjaycox]

Coffin Joe keeps searching for the perfect woman to bear him a son. Count Dracula decides: "F### it, I'll gain forty pounds, move to the Bayou, meet me a rich heiress, and pretend to be my OWN son."

Now that's what I call adaptability.

[Gary D Macabre]

Renfield was a much cooler lackey than the hunchback who looks like he tried to stop a lawnmower with his face.

[raycastile]

I suspect we will have to settle this with a matchup between MAGE Coffin Joe and a Dracula action figure.  But which Dracula figure...that is the question...

[Gary D Macabre]

Tis the beauty of the Roast, it's not intended to settle anything, it's just a good  natured 'give em' both barrels' nerf gun war.

[SpankRamen]

Tis the beauty of the Roast, it's not intended to settle anything, it's just a good  natured 'give em' both barrels' nerf gun war.

That's why I love roasts. We can take jabs at each other without getting hurt or feeling insulted. This is as close to participating in a celebrity roast as we might ever get!

[mjaycox]

I suspect we will have to settle this with a matchup between MAGE Coffin Joe and a Dracula action figure.  But which Dracula figure...that is the question...

There's only ONE (well, two, actually) Mage Coffin Joes. BUT, there are several Mage Draculas: A Bela Lugosi Dracual from A+C Meet Frankenstein, a John Carradine Dracula, a Frank Langella Dracula, a Bram Stoker's Dracula, Two versions of Nosferatu, a Christopher Lee Dracula... AND THEY ALL ANSWER TO ME! ME, DO YOU HEAR?? MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!--

..."Oh.. (addressing my dollies) hey guys... how's it going?.. wha? Oh, nothing.. I was just talking on my monster board... what's new with y-- waddya mean you got a new leader and you're not taking my orders no more? Hey who's that little guy with the top hat and gnarly fingernails? Is that-- Oh no-- GOOD LORD-- gasp, choke...."

[SpankRamen]

..."Oh.. (addressing my dollies) hey guys... how's it going?.. wha? Oh, nothing.. I was just talking on my monster board... what's new with y-- waddya mean you got a new leader and you're not taking my orders no more? Hey who's that little guy with the top hat and gnarly fingernails? Is that-- Oh no-- GOOD LORD-- gasp, choke...."
[/quote]

Zé fêz exame sobre!

[Nicole]

Dracula never ran for Congress...but Coffin Joe sure did!

That's right, all of you vote for Coffin Joe now, or the dollies will come for your soul next!




"In defense of grave-diggers, garbage collectors, and filmmakers!"

[raycastile]

Ah, but now we're confusing Mojica and Zé.  We have to keep them separate.  If Mojica met Dracula, he would run as fast as his legs would carry him.

[raycastile]

I say pit the John Carradine Dracula against Coffin Joe.  That ought to be an even match!

There's only ONE (well, two, actually) Mage Coffin Joes. BUT, there are several Mage Draculas: A Bela Lugosi Dracual from A+C Meet Frankenstein, a John Carradine Dracula, a Frank Langella Dracula, a Bram Stoker's Dracula, Two versions of Nosferatu, a Christopher Lee Dracula... AND THEY ALL ANSWER TO ME! ME, DO YOU HEAR?? MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!--

..."Oh.. (addressing my dollies) hey guys... how's it going?.. wha? Oh, nothing.. I was just talking on my monster board... what's new with y-- waddya mean you got a new leader and you're not taking my orders no more? Hey who's that little guy with the top hat and gnarly fingernails? Is that-- Oh no-- GOOD LORD-- gasp, choke...."