At the risk of sounding childish and weird--A Question.....

[Hepcat]

Then he said: "You know-- You need to sell this stuff off and sell it all now before its completely worthless."

The reason he's saying that is that he had found himself in a position where he had to sell his own collection which he once really loved and now he's trying to rationalize what he had to do as being all for the best. His words/behaviour now are completely predictable. If he wasn't rationalizing what he had to do, he'd been hanging himself from an end of a rope out of depression.

It seems though that he had put himself in the position where selling his collection to live was his only alternative because he had decided that even that was preferable to making any kind of payments to his ex wife including child support. Quitting his salaried job to avoid his wages being garnisheed meant that his collection would eventually end up on the chopping block.

Feel sad for him - but change your locks.

[Sean]

1)  Lock the door.


Your relationship with this guy seems to have no established boundaries.  That's always a problem.  A lot of times people extend themselves for others expecting a certain degree of respect, reciprocation, etc...  Those people get hurt a lot.  He doesn't sound like a 'friend' but more a troubled person who's just trying to pull him self up at anybody's expense.  Establish boundaries.  Limit expectations.  He's not acting like a friend.  He doesn't sound like someone you want to invest in, emotionally, financially, etc.  He's a bottomless pit right now.  Don't give anything or do anything to/ for him that you can't afford to part with----------knowing you're NOT going to get equal value back.  Give what you want----------expect nothing in return.  And stop doing business with him if you feel fleeced.

[Zardoz]

I think Bigbud Nailed it !
and sometimes you have to know
when to write a so-called friend Off.
I've had to do it for the same reasons
a life long "friend" but everytime he came over
he ended up saying or doing something that would make my skin crawl
he had to go so one day I showed him the door
and it was like a weight was lifted off me
I have felt better ever since!!
Best of luck on that!!

[ChattyLMS]

Dr Phibes - You are a kind and caring friend.  He's totally taking advantage of you.  You are not being childish at all.  I'd be furious, too.  You've been a true friend to him and he's spit in your face.  I agree with everybody else, lock your doors, you should have been doing that already.  He has not right to go barging in.  Don't give him any more money, don't do him anymore favors.  Friendships are give and take.  You've been doing all the giving and he's been doing all the taking.  I also agree that he has some emotional issues and needs to get an evaluation and counseling from a good psychologist and/or a psychiatrist.  Don't pay for that.  You should tell him that.  You have to make the boundaries now. 

As for insulting your collection, HOW DARE HE!  I'm sure most of our collections have things in them that are not very valuable in the way of money, but we don't do collecting for money, we do it to get the pieces we like.  That is worth all the money in the world.  Imagine all the pieces that people have given to you, they are probably among the most prized.  Or the piece that took you months to find? 

Lastly, how could he even charge you for those collectibles of his?  Under the circumstances I would have given things to you because you did me such a great favor.  Or at least charged you a minimum price.  I've given so many things away and loved it all the more.  It's time to stop the gravy train.   

[monsterphile]

I'll echo too.  It's become a toxic friendship.  I also would be concerned about the safety of your home and your possessions, including your collection.  When he asked to see your collection and then put it down, he probably was hoping that you'd want to sell off your collection.  Maybe he was thinking about selling it for you and getting a percentage, or he'd buy it from you at a low price (because it's "no good") and then mark it up when he sells it.  There is no idication that he is acting like he's your friend.  Make a list of all the stuff that he's pulled and if he starts giving you any crap, read off the list and tell him, "Later!"

Rob

[ChattyLMS]

People put down other people in an effort to lift themselves up.  It doesn't work, but he's probably doing that, too.  He's probably jealous over your collection.  And maybe he's feeling stupid because of his decision to quit his full time job.  He didn't think that one through very well.  I hope by now he's found another job.

[Flower]

I've dealt with the exact same situation, Anton. This guy is no longer your friend. He's resentful, a user, and you need to cut him loose. Don't just start locking your door, change the locks! Password-protect your computer, if it isn't already. If he knows your password, change it, tonight!

People change. Sometimes, not for the better.

You are a very very kind person .. I agree that people change and that it's time for you to stop feeling sorry for this guy and to cut him loose and to move on. It is difficult but I think that most of us at one time or another has had to take a stand with a 'friend' or relative that was an user and or so self involved that they didn't realize that they were using people.

[bigbud]

Friendships are give and take.

Actually I'll go that one further.......a real, heartfelt friendship is when you give, and it makes you so happy that the thought of any reciprocation never enters your mind. It's just great to make a good friend happy! Buddy

[Sean]

Actually I'll go that one further.......a real, heartfelt friendship is when you give, and it makes you so happy that the thought of any reciprocation never enters your mind. It's just great to make a good friend happy! Buddy

But that person would have to BE a 'good friend' to begin with... e.g., not insulting you and your wife would be a good start.

[ChattyLMS]

This post started a week ago, any progress?  Or are you still in the thinking stage?

[Anton Phibes]

This post started a week ago, any progress?  Or are you still in the thinking stage?

Yes, actually. I went to his house and gave him the information on getting a smart talk cell phone at Wal-mart(again), and I kind of made it abundantly clear I would rather have him do his ebaying at the library. If he didnt want to do that, I supplied him with 2 different internet service providers that dont require an active/existing home phone line.  He agreed. He said that he knew he had to be "putting me out" by letting him in for hours at a stretch to work on the computer. But he would go to the library rather than have to pay a monthly internet bill. I told him he couldnt rely on me to help him out all the time, so the library was going to have to do. I havent had him knocking on the door since the conversation.

I also told him he needed to get a plan together. You see--He is 8+ months behind on his mortgage. Winter is coming. If he doesnt get a plan and gets foreclosed on in the dead of winter, he's going to be without a house, and in the worse possible set of circumstances. I told him he needed a plan because his friends wouldnt be able to take him into their homes, as it would be a major issue that neither I nor anyone else would consider. Especially and specifically me. This divorce has destroyed him. He was nothing like he is these days. Depressed all the time, and feeling trapped. it's sad.

He knows that all I sell on ebay is smaller items. As I left his house after the conversation, he said he has been selling a lot of smaller things but is having trouble finding boxes. It was a hint to me to offer him some (my wife gets them for me from her work instead of throwing them away.) I didnt offer him anything and said I would see him later. I hate to be mean to him---but she barely brings home enuff for me. I think he realizes there are now some restrictions on all the "free access" he's been getting to things at the House of Phibes. If anything new should occur beyond this---I will update. But I think he got the hint. I lock the doors now too. Not because I think he would take anything---but I am just not comfortable with folks having the ability to just waltz in the house.

[Unknown Primate]

Good job, Anton - I think you handled that very well!

[ChattyLMS]

Good work, Phibes!

He needs to get some counseling and some antidepressants.  You weren't helping him, you were enabling him.  I'm proud of you!  You had the courage to speak up for yourself!

[Anton Phibes]

Thanks for the input and advice folks. If this ever comes up again---I will update. For now--Crisis averted.

[Scatter]

Geez, all I wanted were some lousy boxes.