Barlow's Hierarchy of Acceptable Halloween Costumes

[Barlow]

I revised something I posted years ago. Keep in mind, this is mainly to be taken tongue-in-cheek, although I wouldn't mind actually using this system.    I've tweaked a few things and cleaned up some typos. So, for your enjoyment, here we go!
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Barlow's Hierarchy of Acceptable Halloween Costumes


So I've brought this topic up before - how I despise people dressing as sports figures, politicians, and other non-Halloween things for Halloween. Look - if you want to go dressed up as a French maid or a cop, go to a non-Halloween costume party! Halloween is about HORROR, not silliness and parody. I really hate the dilution of the holiday to the point where there's more non-monster costumes in most stores than actual monster costumes.

I got into a discussion about this the other day with my cousin and decided to share my part of it here. I told him I was calling it Barlow's Hierarchy of Acceptable Halloween Costumes. The higher up the scale (towards 1 and 2), the more acceptable the costume is for faithful Halloween celebration. The lower it is on the scale (towards 9 and 10), the less acceptable it is. Here are the ranks I devised based on how I see Halloween.

1.Horror Monster Costumes - These are the best choice, since they're what Halloween is all about! Vampires, ghosts, Frankenstein monsters, werewolves, witches, ghouls, zombies, etc. If it's supernatural/horror in origin, then it's the perfect Halloween costume. You come to my door dressed like this, you get boat loads of super-sized candy bars and get tons of praise heaped on you, maybe even a few special treats like mini-packs of monster cards or rubber spiders or bats.

2.Sci-fi Monster Costumes - Sci-fi is a bit different than horror since it's based on science as opposed to the supernatural, but it's such a perfect fit (like peanut butter and jelly) that I think these work just fine as a second choice. Aliens, Martians, Blobs, Metaluna Mutants, etc. They're all monsters for our purposes, just not quite as traditional as the supernatural monsters. But still very appropriate. No complaints here. Once again, you come to my door dressed like this, you get boat loads of super-sized candy bars and get tons of praise heaped on you, maybe even a few special treats like mini-packs of monster cards or rubber spiders or bats.

3.Halloween Themed Non-Monster Costumes – These costumes are Halloween appropriate since they embody the feel of the season even thought they're not strictly horror. For example, scarecrows, pumpkin figures, spiders, bats, etc. These fit the spirit of Halloween despite not being horror or sci-fi per se. Still, very acceptable. You come to my door dressed like this, you get a few super sized candy bars.

4.Fantasy Costumes - Wizards, Harry Potter costumes, Lord of the Rings costumes, etc. Not really horror per se, or sci-fi, or even Halloween themed to some degree. But still has plenty of the trappings of Halloween - magic, spells, strange beings. You come to my door dressed like this, you get one super sized candy bar.

5. Creepy But Non-Monsters - Goth stuff, bloody corpses, dismembered bodies, axes sticking out of the head, vaguely sinister looking costumes such as hags or undefined crazy mad scientists/doctors. Still somewhat related to horror, but not nearly as good as the first three levels. You come to my door dressed like this, you get a regular sized candy bar. Or maybe a handful of smaller treats. Not both.

6. Superheroes - If you're a kid, I cut you some slack. Who didn't want to go as Spiderman or Hawkman for Halloween as a kid? But really, superheroes have nothing to do with Halloween. Not horror, not sci-fi, not fantasy, not Halloween themed (obviously, we're talking about superheroes and not monster characters published by Marvel or DC like Werewolf by Night or Dracula). You come to my door dressed like this, you get couple of pieces of small candy, like 2-3 Starbursts.

7. Funny Stuff - Look, clowns are not Halloween costumes! Scary clowns like the one from IT are ok, but not Bozo, if that makes sense. Policemen, astronauts, tacos, toilets, cultural garb (Mexicans wearing sombreros), princesses, Disney nonsense...JUST STOP IT! You come to my door dressed like this, you better hope all you get are a few empty candy wrappers or a rock or something (to help crush all the candy you swindled other people out of!). 

8. School Uniforms - Look, your soccer uniform from school is NOT a Halloween costume! It's not even a costume, it's a uniform. There's a difference. If mom is too lazy to buy or make you a real Halloween costume and sends you out in your school uniform or your karate gi, not only are you getting a rock (or something from my garbage, like opened, empty, smelly tuna cans) but you (or your parent who's with you if you're a kid) are getting a lecturing from me about how she's lazy and ruining Halloween. Hopefully the kid doesn't end up in therapy over this, but life has to be harsh sometimes, it's how we learn our lessons. Someone has to be the person to set you straight.

9. & 10.Politicians / Sexualized Costumes - You come as a sexy French maid, or as a parody of your particular hated party of politician or president, or a giant penis or something, all you're getting from me is a shot of pepper spray and a boot to your ass to get you off my porch! I utterly despise people who sexualize or politicize Halloween - even more so when they do it to their kids. That's child abuse. Get your mind the f(*at*)#k out of the gutter and stop your propaganda and celebrate the f(*at*)#king holiday already!

So that's my plan to take back Halloween. It's like a merit system. I'll tell people what they're getting (or not getting!) and why based on their Halloween spirit. That will encourage more true Halloween costumes and provide a disincentive to those who want to water down and ruin the holiday.

I am very tempted to truly put this system into place with full force. I want Halloween back!

[The Masked Man]

I have to admit that I agree with 99.9% of your above statement of rules!!!

I can remember one of my times Halloween trick-or-treating it was in this costume.



Good old Ben Cooper costumes.

I remember it so vividly because at our third stop I was so excited I was running and slipped on the sidewalk and cracked my head open on the concrete stoop I was at my aunts home trick-or-treating that year and all I remember is waking up back at her house with a lot of candy a wet towel on my head in a glass of lemonade.... And the killer of a headache.

But I went through the gamut of different styles of costumes or was everything from Batman, Superman, the TV show SWAT was popular back then... so I went as a swat officer to the Demon Gene Simmons from KISS etc.

But at least it was a costume...

I agree with the uniforms!....from school football uniforms your work scrubs etc..,  get more creative!

I made a great Jack the Ripper's costume for college!! From a weird mask to stuff around the house!!

I think it needs to go back more to the monsters!!

Take us back to SPOOKY TOWN!!!

[Barlow]

Yikes! Glad you survived that Halloween! I remember a kid in the neighborhood tripping down the stairs on his costume. I know he was bruised up as hell, but he said he was fine because he wanted to keep trick-or-treating. The limp was just part of his costume, he told everyone! 

[Hepcat]

I revised something I posted years ago. Keep in mind, this is mainly to be taken tongue-in-cheek, although I wouldn't mind actually using this system.

Barlow's Hierarchy of Acceptable Halloween Costumes

I can understand your preferences. I'd expect similar ones from any Universal monster fan.

The problem I have is that your preferences are not consistent with your preamble:

The higher up the scale (towards 1 and 2), the more acceptable the costume is for faithful Halloween celebration.

If you truly want to be faithful to the true meaning of Halloween and the long standing traditions surrounding the holiday, your top seven ranking needs to be revised as follows:

1. Halloween Themed Non-Monster Costumes - These are what Halloween has been all about for centuries! Check out any Halloween packaging. Witches, ghosts, scarecrows, pumpkin figures, skeletons, spiders, bats, black cats, ravens, owls, etc. scream Halloween.

2. Cowboys, Pirates, Hobos, Princesses, etc. -  Such costumes go back to the earliest years of trick or treating thus predating any commercial kids' costumes and as such are more traditional than most other costumes.

3. Funny animal and other cartoon character costumes. - These were among the very earliest kids' Halloween costume offerings of Halco, Collegeville, Ben Cooper and other companies and have accordingly been part of Halloween since the 1940's. They were easily the most common masks and costumes worn by trick or treaters in the 1950's and 1960's.

4. Horror Monster Costumes - Neat, but they're johnny-come-latelys and anything but traditional. Universal released Frankenstein and Dracula only in 1931 so they don't have centuries of tradition behind them unlike the creatures mentioned in the first category. And since the first Universal monster costumes didn't appear until the very late 1960's, they're newcomers to Halloween compared to funny animals.

5. Sci-fi Monster Costumes

6. Creepy But Non-Monsters

7. Fantasy Costumes - Except that wizards and warlocks can be ranked at the top right up there with witches.

8. Superheroes - Superhero costumes have actually been around since the early 1960's which is thus longer than Universal monster costumes have been around. They're therefore marginally more traditional than the Universal monsters but admittedly don't fit the Halloween theme as well.

...or a giant penis.

My word!  You must live in some kind of kinky neighbourhood.

You come as a sexy French maid....

Send those my way! Sexy French maids are always welcome at my door.

[Barlow]

Hepcat wrote:

If you truly want to be faithful to the true meaning of Halloween and the long standing traditions surrounding the holiday, your top seven ranking needs to be revised as follows:

Keep in mind, there is no single long standing traditional "Halloween". What we have in America as Halloween goes back thousands of years and encompasses traditions mixed in from druidic pagan rituals, Irish, German, English and other traditions throughout the years. When I said "faithful" Halloween, I'm talking about faithful to the Halloweens I grew up with in the 60's, 70's and into the 80's.

[Hepcat]

Keep in mind, there is no single long standing traditional "Halloween". What we have in America as Halloween goes back thousands of years and encompasses traditions mixed in from druidic pagan rituals, Irish, German, English and other traditions throughout the years.

Which is why Halloween Themed Non-Monster Costumes featuring witches, ghosts, scarecrows, pumpkin figures, skeletons, spiders, bats, black cats, ravens, owls, etc. would be my own top category!

[Barlow]

Hmmm. I don't know. It's a good argument, and those certainly are Halloween traditions. But I had to flesh out the hierarchy to 10 levels, so I had to separate some. But on your list, wouldn't witches, skeletons and ghosts count as monsters? We may both be overthinking this! LOL! But that's where the fun is!


I think we could cut my hierarchy into two broad categories - acceptable and unacceptable costumes. Acceptable would be all horror, sci-fi, Halloween traditions (pumpkins, owls, ravens, spiders, etc.), some fantasy things that are related (Harry Potter type stuff), creepy/slasher stuff (gore like severed heads, mad scientists, etc.). Unacceptable would possibly be superhero costumes (maybe an exception for kids), and definitely sports/school/work uniforms, silly stuff like Sponge Bob, outhouses, political and sexual stuff.


Of course, if a hot French maid comes to my door, I won't turn her away...but if she comes on Halloween, she'd better at least be wearing fangs or some pancake makeup! LOL!

[Hepcat]

Acceptable would be ... creepy/slasher stuff, gore like severed heads....

Truthfully I don't really like the slasher and other gory costumes. Quite simply I don't remember encountering that type of imagery during my own trick or treating days pre-1966. Costumes at the time got no gorier than traditional skeleton costumes. Therefore to me all the gore stuff is a newfangled additive to the big Eve. The imagery that defines Halloween for me is the spooky stuff found on the bags of Halloween candies in grocery stores. Or on these delightful old fashioned Halloween treat bags:

Of course, if a hot French maid comes to my door, I won't turn her away...but if she comes on Halloween, she'd better at least be wearing fangs or some pancake makeup!

So we'd both welcome this one:

[Barlow]

Hepcat wrote:

Truthfully I don't really like the slasher and other gory costumes. Quite simply I don't remember encountering that type of imagery during my own trick or treating days pre-1966 Halloween. Costumes at the time got no gorier than traditional skeleton costumes.

I'm not a huge fan of the gore stuff myself. That's why I rated it half way down the list. It sorta crosses into horror but it's not really horror if that make sense. When I think of horror, I think of monsters, supernatural stuff - werewolves, vampires, ghosts. The slasher genre is tricky because you have some of those movies (Nightmare On Elm Street, Halloween, etc.) being horror movies - they have supernatural monsters so they qualify as horror and yet they also emphasize body counts, so part slasher flick. Then you have the non-horror slasher stuff like Slumber Party Massacre, Happy Birthday To Me, Massacre At Central High, Bay of Blood, etc. Just normal humans killing one another. So they're not really horror as such.


That being said, I'd still much rather see a kid go trick-or-treating dressed up with a severed head or hand than dressed up as a tax collector or in his school soccer uniform.

Therefore to me all the gore stuff is a newfangled additive to the big Eve. The imagery that defines Halloween for me is the spooky stuff found on the bags of Halloween candies in grocery stores. Or on these delightful old fashioned Halloween treat bags:

Oh hell yeah! That art takes me back! I have a folder on the computer filled with I think it's now 1,800 pics of old Halloween cards, bags, candy, etc. God I miss those days! And that's another of my major complaints about Halloween these days - everything is infantilized. Nothing scary. Every monster ad is silly or funny or humorous with Sponge Bob type art. Just dreadfully low class work. I miss the Beistle decorations and the colors and spookiness of them. Even what passed for "humorous" or "kiddy" decorations from them were still top notch art and sinister.


I was just thinking about my hierarchy ratings and essentially there are 3 major divisions:


1. The TRUE Halloween costumes, which incorporates the first three tiers - horror/monsters (vampires, ghosts, werewolves, witches, etc.), sci-fi (blobs, aliens, etc.), and Halloween themed (scarecrows, pumpkins, spiders, bats, etc.).


2. Ok Halloween costumes, which are sorta fitting for the holiday but not a perfect fit, from the next three tiers - fantasy costumes (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc.), creepy non-monsters (the goth and slasher/gore stuff) and superheroes (for kids).


3. Unacceptable / Not Halloween - The last four tiers - school or work uniforms, political statements, "sexy" outfits (what does a slutty maid have to do with Halloween?) and silly stuff like going as a ketchup and mustard bottle or an outhouse or a Mexican national with a sombrero. Those may be costumes, but they're not HALLOWEEN costumes.


I could pretty much lump them into those 3 categories but then it would look a little boring and not as much fun as doing a list of ten categories.

[Hepcat]

1. The TRUE Halloween costumes, which incorporates the first three tiers - horror/monsters (vampires, ghosts, werewolves, witches, etc.), sci-fi (blobs, aliens, etc.), and Halloween themed (scarecrows, pumpkins, spiders, bats, etc.).

3. Unacceptable / Not Halloween - The last four tiers - school or work uniforms, political statements, "sexy" outfits (what does a slutty maid have to do with Halloween?)....

So then here's the question. Where would you slot hot and sexy witches?

[Barlow]

That's a hard question. No pun intended! 


It's along the lines of the Supreme Court Justice who once said: "I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it!"


That witch you showed, she has a nice costume, and make up. And she also happens to be hot as hell! She can't help that! LOL! But let's say that costume was slit all the way up the leg, with a far deeper plunging neckline, etc. I'd say that crosses the line. Like I said, it's hard to define, but how I would explain it is that if a woman is dressed like a witch and she's hot and I see her and my reaction is "Nice costume! Sexy witch!", it's cool. If my reaction is "Geez, she looks slutty", then it's too sexy for Halloween. If that makes sense.