First off this is just like a celebrity Roast. This is a fun game and participants should not take this seriously (myself included). OK here is how this will work.
1. Many of us are fans of both characters, so nobody needs to choose sides, you may roast both characters if you like.
2. You post one positive OR one negative about either character. You may however post one positive AND one negative in the same post if one point is in direct contrast to the other. (eg.' X wears___, while Y wears____.)
3. There is NO discussion or debate about the post, the one you just made or any other one.
4. All incarnations of the characters are "in bounds"
5. Do not post twice in a row, allow another person to post after you.
I'll start
Negative:
Coffin Joe proclaims himself to be the ultimate human being, but is short and has a uni-brow.
Dracula claims to have commanded armies, yet he lacks the strategery to wear an armor vest when he sleeps and lock his coffin from the inside.
Dracula commands all creatures of the night, Coffin Joe commands the assmen (http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g75/GaryDMacabre/assmen.jpg)
I have this picture taking up space in my album I best get my use of it
Dracula needs to drink blood to survive. He becomes weaker, the longer he goes without it.
Coffin Joe only had two wives, and when dead they simply decayed. Dracula had three wives and Dead they were all still hotties.
For Dracula, garlic means certain death. For Zé, garlic can be used as seasoning for the meat he eats on Holy Friday! 8)
Ebay searches--
Dracula: 1667 matches
Coffin Joe (who?): 3
If Dracula lost his fangs, his bloodsucking days would be over. If Zé broke a nail, he has 9 more to gouge people's eyes out with.
Dracula hangs out with the Frankenstein Monster and the Wolf Man.
Coffin Joe hangs out with Madge the manicurist
Zé makes his living as a mortician.
Dracula moonlights on Sesame Street.
No girl that Dracula ever put the moves on rejected him and then hung herself.
NO girl ever skipped her brother's funeral to have sex with Dracula, even though Dracula was the murderer. 8)
Dracula cowers in fear at the sight of the cross. Coffin Joe grabs the crucifix and uses it to stab the priest.
Dracula can't enter his victim's house unless he's invited. Coffin Joe invites himself in.
I admit I was nervous when I saw the start of this thread. But it appears everyone is having fun with it-- and I'm enjoying very much!
Dracula speaks at least two languages, and with his charm and good fashion sense, can get into any 5-star restaurant. Coffin Joe, who only speaks one language, wouldn't get past a bouncer as tough as he is. (And in New York, there are bouncers that tough. Maybe not in Brazil.)
With all the drugs, perversion and violence, in Awakening of the Beast at least Coffin Joe will be spared a BBC remake saying it's a story about syphilis.
Ze is served by arseholes (yeah, Martians, I know) while Dracula falls through iceholes (see Dracula, Prince of Darkness) ;)
George
Dracula's home is inhabited by Armadillos, Opossums, Giant spiders and Jerusalem crickets, Bats, rats and other cool creepy crawlies.
Coffin Joe's home is infested with these things
(http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g75/GaryDMacabre/Untitled-1.jpg)
Count Alucard loses his head when he meets a clever, rich woman. When Prof. Oaxiac Odez meets one, he cuts off her head, cooks it and puts it on a dinner platter.
Coffin Joe keeps searching for the perfect woman to bear him a son. Count Dracula decides: "F### it, I'll gain forty pounds, move to the Bayou, meet me a rich heiress, and pretend to be my OWN son."
Now that's what I call adaptability.
Renfield was a much cooler lackey than the hunchback who looks like he tried to stop a lawnmower with his face.
I suspect we will have to settle this with a matchup between MAGE Coffin Joe and a Dracula action figure. But which Dracula figure...that is the question...
Tis the beauty of the Roast, it's not intended to settle anything, it's just a good natured 'give em' both barrels' nerf gun war.
Quote from: Gary D Macabre on February 10, 2008, 05:59:47 PM
Tis the beauty of the Roast, it's not intended to settle anything, it's just a good natured 'give em' both barrels' nerf gun war.
That's why I love roasts. We can take jabs at each other without getting hurt or feeling insulted. This is as close to participating in a celebrity roast as we might ever get! :-\
Quote from: raycastile on February 10, 2008, 05:15:30 PM
I suspect we will have to settle this with a matchup between MAGE Coffin Joe and a Dracula action figure. But which Dracula figure...that is the question...
There's only ONE (well, two, actually) Mage Coffin Joes. BUT, there are several Mage Draculas: A Bela Lugosi Dracual from A+C Meet Frankenstein, a John Carradine Dracula, a Frank Langella Dracula, a Bram Stoker's Dracula, Two versions of Nosferatu, a Christopher Lee Dracula... AND THEY ALL ANSWER TO ME! ME, DO YOU HEAR?? MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!--
..."Oh.. (addressing my dollies) hey guys... how's it going?.. wha? Oh, nothing.. I was just talking on my monster board... what's new with y-- waddya mean you got a new leader and you're not taking my orders no more? Hey who's that little guy with the top hat and gnarly fingernails? Is that-- Oh no-- GOOD LORD-- gasp, choke...."
..."Oh.. (addressing my dollies) hey guys... how's it going?.. wha? Oh, nothing.. I was just talking on my monster board... what's new with y-- waddya mean you got a new leader and you're not taking my orders no more? Hey who's that little guy with the top hat and gnarly fingernails? Is that-- Oh no-- GOOD LORD-- gasp, choke...."
[/quote]
Zé fêz exame sobre! 8)
Dracula never ran for Congress...but Coffin Joe sure did!
That's right, all of you vote for Coffin Joe now, or the dollies will come for your soul next!
(http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg257/CoffinJoeAlbum/9f4cbcbb.jpg)
"In defense of grave-diggers, garbage collectors, and filmmakers!"
Ah, but now we're confusing Mojica and Zé. We have to keep them separate. If Mojica met Dracula, he would run as fast as his legs would carry him.
I say pit the John Carradine Dracula against Coffin Joe. That ought to be an even match!
Quote from: mjaycox on February 10, 2008, 10:59:02 PM
There's only ONE (well, two, actually) Mage Coffin Joes. BUT, there are several Mage Draculas: A Bela Lugosi Dracual from A+C Meet Frankenstein, a John Carradine Dracula, a Frank Langella Dracula, a Bram Stoker's Dracula, Two versions of Nosferatu, a Christopher Lee Dracula... AND THEY ALL ANSWER TO ME! ME, DO YOU HEAR?? MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!--
..."Oh.. (addressing my dollies) hey guys... how's it going?.. wha? Oh, nothing.. I was just talking on my monster board... what's new with y-- waddya mean you got a new leader and you're not taking my orders no more? Hey who's that little guy with the top hat and gnarly fingernails? Is that-- Oh no-- GOOD LORD-- gasp, choke...."
Ah, and that reminds me. Coffin Joe was never played by John Carradine. Say what you will about Carradine's career overall, but you gotta admit, his Dracula smells worse than a wreath of garlic.
Coffin Joe was never played by Zandor Vorkov, either. Though his voice does sometimes echo like Vorkov's.
Dracula was played by Bela Lugosi, Lon Jr. and Christopher Lee
There are no cheesy cinematic spoofs of Zé Do Caixão. Dracula... LOVE AT FIRST BITE. :D
Dracula plays such a large part in the mainstream Pop Culture, Mel Brooks even took a shot at him with the cheesy cinematic spoof Dead and Loving It
Sorry but the end all is that the whole world knows the name..Dracula and fears it.
Who even knows about Zé Do Caixão or Coffin Joe ?
I did not even know about him until you guys started to discuss him on the board.
O bye the way .. I did get the first DVD and started watching it ,fell asleep, tried watching it again,fell asleep again ,Is it a spell ? or is it just plain boaring ?
Tom :P
Zé Do Caixão is loved & adored by true fans of horror & independent film in general. Dracula is popular because Hollywood has been spoonfeeding the public the same image over & over again for over 70 (nearly 80) years! :P
Quote from: SpankRamen on February 11, 2008, 01:19:19 PM
There are no cheesy cinematic spoofs of Zé Do Caixão. Dracula... LOVE AT FIRST BITE. :D
Zé Do Caixão IS the cheesy spoof of Zé Do Caixão.
"Zé Do Caixão IS the cheesy spoof of Zé Do Caixão."
UMA laugh of the day!
Thanks, Rob!
Quote from: monsterphile on February 11, 2008, 10:49:21 PM
Zé Do Caixão IS the cheesy spoof of Zé Do Caixão.
Ooooh! I'll remember that everytime I look at a box of Count Chocula. ::)
Not sure if this photo helps or hurts our side.
(http://thegalleryofmonstertoys.com/msc/ring.jpg)
I might be mistaken, but it looks like Mojica is throwing his support with the Dracula camp!
After seeing Ray's last picture I call Dracula the winner :)
Even Zé Do Caixão consitters him the master of all evil things by wearing his ring !
How he got it on his hand with those long fingernails I'll never know.
What is the deal with those fingernails anyway ? How can you kill someone when you can't even get your hands around their throat ? How can he even eat without poking himself in the eye ? And how does he unzip his fly ?.. Very slowly I would think :)
Quote from: Tom Smith Monsternut on February 12, 2008, 12:14:46 AM
How can you kill someone when you can't even get your hands around their throat ?
How can he even eat without poking himself in the eye ?
And how does he unzip his fly ?.. Very slowly I would think :)
To answer the first 2 questions, one only has to watch "At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul".
If you really want to know how he unzips his pants :-\, watch "Perversion" (Perversão-Estrupro).
Quote from: SpankRamen on February 12, 2008, 12:38:36 AM
If you really want to know how he unzips his pants :-\, watch "Perversion" (Perversão-Estrupro).
Spank, you crack me up. :D ;D
Since this discussion is already starting to get derailed a bit anyway, I'd just like to point out that long fingernails have NEVER been a hindrance for Zé. In fact, they give him an extra edge in close range combat, which is good, since Dracula needs to get in close before he can do any damage to his foes.
Yeah, close combat. I'd pay good money for a UFC-styled "Fingernails & Fangs" match. :o
Aw shucks, I'm getting here a tad late. I wanna play too. Let me see ..
Dracula doesn't differentiate his victims. Men, women, and children are all fair game.
Coffin Joe protects little children.
That's because Zé sees kids as the continuity of blood, thus immortality.
Dracula sees children as a midnight snack, thus immortality. :-\
I might had missed something here.. When did Dracula kill a child ?
Sure he feed one to his brides but he did not kill it :)
Any other examples ?
Isn't this a roast off to find out who is the most evil of the 2 ? All I'm hearing makes Drac the #1 contender.
Actually the thread has started to drift from roasting which is why rule three stated no discussion. Posts do not have to be 100% accurate, the Sesame Street and Medge the manicurist posts are a good example, beautiful roasts, but we all know their not entirely accurate. Just open fire in retaliation. If you don't have a shot at the other guy, prop up your villain.
The Amazing monster showdown poll has already been hijacked for debate.
(http://universalmonsterarmy.com/forum/index.php?topic=731.0)
When Dracula says blood is immortality he's not just being facetious, he means it.
Quote from: raycastile on February 11, 2008, 01:18:10 AM
Ah, and that reminds me. Coffin Joe was never played by John Carradine. Coffin Joe was never played by Zandor Vorkov, either.
No, but he was played by Ray Castile! Sorry Ray... ;-)
Quote from: monsterphile on February 12, 2008, 03:08:59 PM
No, but he was played by Ray Castile! Sorry Ray... ;)
:D UMA members who've ever been in a feature length film, show of hands? Show of hands. :P
Ze do Ciaxao likes men (well brave ones anyway)
Dracula never battled with his own creator.
" UMA members who've ever been in a feature length film, show of hands?"
Paging Dan Roebuck! (And Robert Taylor, and me if you count extra work where you can recognize me and a large supporting role in an unreleased feature.)
Zé can make beautiful women appear at the snap of his fingers! ;) (& I've found myself popping up in some odd places, too :-\)
Well I have to say it. While Drac had Live Opossums and Armadillos on set, Coffin Joe had Live Boas and Anacondas.
Quote from: Gary D Macabre on February 13, 2008, 12:47:36 AM
Coffin Joe had Live Boas and Anacondas.
Not to mention tarantulas, frogs, & various bugs.
Dracula fears being destroyed and sent to Hell. Coffin Joe has already been there...and back!
Zé can take down a big muscular man with a walking cane. Dracula would try to bite that big guy & end up getting his teeth broken.
Dracula always seems to get caught without his coffin. It doesn't matter how many boxes of earth he ships to his new home, there is never one handy when he needs one.
Coffin Joe always comes prepared - blades in his cape, tarantula in a jar, ax in his boat, gun in his jacket, tobacco in his pipe, black gloves on his hands, torture chamber in his basement.
When an interfering doctor tries to reveal Dracula's secrets, the Count swats a box out of his hand and excuses himself from the room. The doctor ultimately defeats Dracula. When a meddling doctor tries to expose Coffin Joe, Zé gouges out his eyes and sets him on fire. The doctor crackles as Zé smokes his pipe.
Quote from: raycastile on February 12, 2008, 12:00:44 AM
I might be mistaken, but it looks like Mojica is throwing his support with the Dracula camp!
Sure enough, Ray...
(http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg257/CoffinJoeAlbum/8a6c0baa.jpg)
(http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg257/CoffinJoeAlbum/306f09c6.jpg)
What could all of this mean? :-\
And there they are again. ;D
(http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg257/CoffinJoeAlbum/875a1323.jpg)
Mojica really is a short dude! To look at him in the movies, he seems a bit taller. I guess it's the way he carries himself.
Quote from: SpankRamen on February 13, 2008, 11:55:31 PM
Mojica really is a short dude! To look at him in the movies, he seems a bit taller. I guess it's the way he carries himself.
Actually, Mr. Lee is just really tall. He's about 6' 5", while Mr. Mojica is 5' 6 1/2".
Quote from: Nicole on February 14, 2008, 12:01:29 AM
Actually, Mr. Lee is just really tall.
You know, I didn't even take Christopher Lee into consideration. I guess next to him, nearly anyone would look short!
Yeah, if you know the story, Mr. Mojica's and Lee's meeting was a bit of an awkward one, so I'm happy that we have photos of these two together. I think, just the fact that Mr. Mojica was making it to these festivals, shows how popular his character was outside of Brazil, even back then.
Especially in Europe! Still, I wish Brazil would show him some respect. It's cool that he has a loyal cult following & all, but he deserves so much more than that. If he was an American filmmaker, he'd probably have a house in the hills somewhere.
Quote from: Nicole on February 14, 2008, 12:01:29 AM
Actually, Mr. Lee is just really tall. He's about 6' 5", while Mr. Mojica is 5' 6 1/2".
I'm about 5' 5" or 5' 6". Mojica and I stood eye to eye. That's why they had me be his stand-in on my final day. I finally got to wear the hat!
I don't know this story. Where did you hear it? It seems a lot of people have had awkward meetings with Lee. If I met Lee and he turned out to be warm and gregarious, I'd be kind of disappointed. He's an austere fuddy duddy, and that's the way it ought to be.
Quote from: Nicole on February 14, 2008, 12:32:57 AM
Yeah, if you know the story, Mr. Mojica's and Lee's meeting was a bit of an awkward one, so I'm happy that we have photos of these two together. I think, just the fact that Mr. Mojica was making it to these festivals, shows how popular his character was outside of Brazil, even back then.
I'm 5'5 so I'd be eye to eye with him also. I doubt that I'll ever find out for sure. :(
Quote from: raycastile on February 14, 2008, 01:32:58 AM
I don't know this story. Where did you hear it? It seems a lot of people have had awkward meetings with Lee. If I met Lee and he turned out to be warm and gregarious, I'd be kind of disappointed. He's an austere fuddy duddy, and that's the way it ought to be.
I read that story in part of an online interview with Mr. Mojica. Here's the address of the site, if you're interested:
www.mundosimio.com/mat_ler.asp?mat_ID=145
The page appears to be down now, so you'll have to use the Internet Archive to view it.
Edit: In case you guys don't feel like going to all that trouble, here's my translation of that part of the interview, below:
Mojica- It was a publicity coup that I had made in my interview, how you say...interviews for everyone there. ["Everyone get in a group", said someone] and Christopher Lee was in this group. My entrepreneur and journalist, who was also in the group said, "Mojica, they have a vacant seat there, go and get your hat and cape and sit beside the man." And so there I went and sat next to him, but I did not know that the man would frighten (laughter). He greeted me, and then he began to speak, but he kept looking at my fingernails. So he asked for a translator, to come explain what this was. And the translator explained who I was to him. Then he talked about the fingernails, which were all curled up. And then, when the translator told him that the fingernails were real, the man was half scared. He took some pictures there, but he was...and only later did he return to normal. Afterward, he confessed that he was scared, and he asked if I needed him for this or that... because he had never seen this. And he made one fool of himself...
And Ray, that's very cool that you got to wear the hat. It's just incredible how much you look like Mr. Mojica from his younger days. You could very well be his long-lost son!
I guess his nails have that effect on a lot of people! ;D
I probably would've been in complete awe.
Quote from: Nicole on February 14, 2008, 02:13:33 AM
And Ray, that very cool that you got to wear the hat. It's just incredible how much you look like Mr. Mojica from his younger days. You could very well be his long-lost son!
;D Now don't go getting his hopes up.
LOL!
Seriously, I'm not trying to see Ray & Mojica on Maury Povich. ;) Imagine Ray running off stage, crying, when Maury says: "Jose Mojica Marins (drum roll)... You are NOT the father. :D
That's just waaaaaay too wild.
Quote from: SpankRamen on February 14, 2008, 11:42:47 PM
Seriously, I'm not trying to see Ray & Mojica on Maury Povich. ;) Imagine Ray running off stage, crying, when Maury says: "Jose Mojica Marins (drum roll)... You are NOT the father. :D
That's just waaaaaay too wild.
Then after Ray leaves the room, Maury goes on to say, "Ray did test positive, however, for being José Mojica Marins' genetic clone." :o
According to one of Mojica's friends, he has taken to calling me his "son."
Thanks Nicole for posting that translation. That is funny.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think the roast has concluded. The guests have left, the food is cold and the drinks are warm. But if you want to close the place down, we can stick around until they start stacking the chairs on top the tables.
Quote from: raycastile on February 15, 2008, 12:53:35 AM
According to one of Mojica's friends, he has taken to calling me his "son."
That rocks. How does it feel? I mean, really, how does it feel to know that he calls you his "son"? An honorary son. I'm so jealous :'(
I'm sure he means it as a joke, but it's very cool.
Joke or not, that is very awesome, Ray. Little does Mr. Mojica know, but he's got a couple of "daughters" over here too. ;D
Which reminds me...Spank, Mojica is supposed to be coming stateside to promote his new movie when it comes out, right? If they have an event where he can meet with his fans while he's here, maybe we should try to go to it. What do you think?
I know he's planning on traveling to 30 countries to promote the film. You would think one of them would be the U.S. But I don't know if he would make more than one stop here. It would probably be in L.A. or N.Y. Just my guess. But...it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to come to the International Film Festival in St. Louis. I believe it is in October, just in time for Halloween. It really wouldn't be a crackpot notion at all.
I'm not opposed to traveling as far as New York, but if he made an appearance in St. Louis, that would be even better. According to the Cinema St. Louis site (that is the one, right?), their International Film Festival runs from Nov. 13-23. Too bad it's not in October, or that would have been perfect. I can't say that I'm familiar with what types of foreign films they usually showcase there. Ray, do you know if they ever show any films in the same vein as Mojica's work?
Nicole, they show all sorts of movies, both live action & animated. That's where "Juno" was first played, long before the general public heard of it (& I missed it :'(). Also, with the St. Louis International Film Festival, the movies are played in different areas. Some were shown at the Tivoli, some at the St. Louis Art Museum, some at COCA (it's a performing/fine arts school). Mojica's movie would fit in perfectly. Sometimes, the filmmakers speak to the audience before & after the movie.
Ray, I would LOVE it if Mojica showed up at the Tivoli. Oh God, I'd camp out in the Loop for 2 days just to make sure I don't miss him! Also, he could have lunch at Blueberry Hill or Cicero's (I'd drag him to Cicero's 8)).
If he showed up in LA & NYC, I'd fly as far as my broomstick would take me! :D It's about time he met his "daughters"! ;D
Hey! What's going on in here? You heard the man .. we're closin'. You guys gotta get outta here. The roast is over. Go now. Take your top hats and capes and take it outside please.
Just kiddin'! I just popped my nose inside here to see if there was anybody left. Feel free to hang out and talk amongst yourselves. I'll close the door. Lock up when you guys leave. Okay?
Quote from: fmofmpls on February 15, 2008, 09:27:42 PM
I'll close the door. Lock up when you guys leave. Okay?
Okay, but I ain't moppin' no floors. 8)