Hello Universal Monster Army. My name is Helen Chandler. I played Mina in the 1931 Dracula film starring Bela Lugosi. I am now 102 yrs old. Unfortunately, I am no longer alive in the flesh and blood. I am now at peace in a much better place. Typically, people who have crossed over to the other side are no longer able to communicate with those who are still being tested here on Earth, but I have been granted an exception to this rule, and it is therefore possible for me to come here.
I am looking for someone named Terry Ingram. Some refer to him as a General? Is he in the armed services helping us with the war effort? I have not been able to find him anywhere. I'm a bit embarrassed in telling you all of my fondness for him. I really don't even know him at all. It's just that I've been feeling his sympathetic vibrations for such a long time that I, uh, well .. I don't even what to say. I just feel I need to speak with him. And he needs to speak with me.
Sorry if I have intruded upon your discussions in anyway. I need to go back now. They're calling me. I will check back later.
Much love, Helen.
Oh my dear Helen .. is that you? It's me Terry! Speak to me darling! I've crossed oceans of time to find you. Where are you my dear? Come to me please! My heart is so heavy. I've been as patient as any man could possibly be. Is this the time? Do I need to get my affairs in order? Are we to be united together in a better place? Oh dear Helen, take me from this wretched army! They speak only of material things here. My heart is in bondage to you only my dear and not to a bunch of silly toys. HELEN! COME TO ME MY LOVE! I'M HERE! SPEAK TO ME HELEN!
OOOOKEY - DOOOKEY...
this is now officially "weird"!
(Paging the lovely Ms. Ingram...)
What do you have to do with this Mr. Lincoln? I have not been channeling you Mr. President. This affair is between Helen and myself. You've got the wrong thread and the wrong century honest Abe.
Now where is my Helen? Won't somebody tell me where she went?
I hate to break it to you General, but uh...word is she's been swapping spit with Charles Laughton. Poor Elsa - she could do nothing to bring him over to "the other team" but seems Helen has just the right touch.
Now you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to my netherworld surfing and hook up with MY classic horror heart-throb. "Oh Evelyn? Ankers away my love!"
Lies! Lies! I tell you all lies! Jeff your treading on thin ice here. Take your Evelyn Ankers dream and start your own damn thread. This is my thread and my fantasy now turning into reality. And neither Craig nor you are going to ruin it for me! You heard her speak! She's come back! What's wrong with you people! Helen my love! Pay them no mind. They're weirdos who obsess over toys. Speak to me my love!
Cold bucket of water for Mr. Ingram, please.
Eh, estúpido. Sua mulher está morte, inoperante, terminado! Descansa no subsolo. Deteriorar e repugnar.
Fracos humanos. Eu sou feito do plástico. Eu nunca deteriorarei. Eu sou superior!
Tudo é mentira. Todos os humanos serão destruídos. O estranho brinquedo serão destruídas. Eu sou superior a todos vocês!
I'm ashamed :o to do this and would like to apologize to everyone in advance...
but it's for the good of the Army and the General's well-being, after all!
Richard
(http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg232/mnroo/Bela-Helen.jpg)
That sound you heard was that of General Terry's head hitting the floor as he fell out of his chair. (Yowzers!)
Richard, you sure know how to make certain things tingle. Good lord! That's incredible looking stuff! Do you have this file in a larger size? I'll take it anyway I can get it! Please send me an attachment of said pic and I will reward you handsomely. I am however a little disturbed at seeing my dear Helen exposed in front of so many hungry wolves. If I catch anybody coveting this picture, I'll have them thrown into the brig for the rest of the month.
Now where were we? Oh yes! Helen had heard my call and came looking for me. Then came the interruptions. Neither Craig, nor Meek, nor Jeff, nor Portuguese talking toys, can disrupt my eternal quest for Helen. Not even downed servers can extinguish our love for one another.
Helen my love! I hear your voice! I tried to speak to you but the obstacles are many. Fear not my love, our connection is broken no longer. Oh, how I yearn for your touch! Must I remain amongst this wretched army for yet another day? Have you not come for me my love? I've waited a lifetime for this moment. I simply cannot afford to wait another. My work is done here. Take me my love. Let Raymond run this popcorn stand. I need to be with you. Touch you. Hold you. Feel you. Helen?
I do believe that I shall be ill---right here on the new carpet.
I say Terry, isn't your sweetie getting cold standing there starkers like that? Oh wait, that's a good thing for the goosflesh will add some much needed bumps to her anatomy.
"Meek"(looking for the UMA official barf bag)
The psychic Drunken Severed Head says: I see Terry plunging off a cliff or tower into the sea, reaching for his ghostly love! Don't love affairs with ghosts always turn out like that?
Been nice knowing you, Terry!
Quote from: fmofmpls on January 28, 2008, 10:16:38 PM
Richard, you sure know how to make certain things tingle.
Tingle? Lets face it, you where scared stiff.
Quote from: kolchak4ever on January 29, 2008, 11:29:49 AM
Tingle? Lets face it, you where scared stiff.
TA-dum! (rimshot) ::)
Quote from: fmofmpls on January 28, 2008, 10:16:38 PM
Do you have this file in a larger size? I'll take it anyway I can get it! Please send me an attachment of said pic and I will reward you handsomely.
Larger size?...I can do that. Upload/download times for attaching her may be real long. How big a "pipe" you got? Want her sent as a full blow-up? ;D
Quote from: Richard on January 29, 2008, 05:48:17 PM
Larger size?...I can do that. Upload/download times for attaching her may be real long. How big a "pipe" you got? Want her sent as a full blow-up? ;D
Oh, brother... What's become of our board? ::)
Quote from: Nicole on January 29, 2008, 06:07:09 PM
Oh, brother... What's become of our board? ::)
What do you mean??? this group has always gotten hideously off topic and a little disturbed from time to time. Heck things have been pretty straight laced since we left the Yahoo group. Meek shall we hijack this topic with bad puns and Monty Python references?
Can you guys keep it down a bit in here? And can you move over some Gary? And what's this Coffin Joe doll doing in here again? Please .. I'm trying to summon Helen back to this thread! If I'm to do that, I will need complete concentration so she can hear me. She must have gotten lost somewhere during the outage. Helen! I'm still here! Please talk to me Helen!
I say Terry, is Helen a goer, eh? Know what I mean? Is she a goer, know what I mean? Nudge, Nudge. Wink, Wink. Into holiday snaps is she? Bathing costumes, eh? Snap, Snap. Wink, Wink. Grin, Grin.
Ooooo, I bet she does! I bet she does!
Say no more. Say no more. Nudge, Nudge. Wink, Wink.
"Meek"(meek by name and by nature)
Hello Universal Monster Army. It is me, Helen Chandler. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to check in here as often as Terry would like, but where I'm at, time and space are much different than on the surface of the planet. Here in the afterlife, there are no weeks, no days, no hours; only eternal peace.
I would like to address this strange fixation of Terry's. While I'm flattered with his undue attention towards me and my work as a film actress, I'm also a bit put off with this odd infatuation of his. First of all Terry, you are a married man with two beautiful children. Your family needs you. Your wife needs you. And most importantly, what gives you the idea that you somehow even know me at all? You do not know me. All that you know of me are diluted impressions based upon your strange fascination with the character named Mina; a fantasy role that I played in the 1931 film Dracula. You have no right to long for my affection. You have no right to call for me. I have already lived my life on Earth and you need to continue to live yours. Do you feel that you could have somehow saved me from myself and my demons while in the flesh? How arrogant of you Terry. You have all you can do to even save yourself yet alone save somebody else! No, you need to move on with your life and stop daydreaming selfishly about what could have been, what might have been, and what should have been. Have you also conveniently forgotten that I too was once married? Three times in fact! Do you not think that Bramwell Fletcher, Cyril Hume, and Walter Piascik find this fantasy of yours offensive?
I'm must return now. I would ask that you Terry reevaluate your own life and stop obsessing over mine. You need to be more grounded with your own world and it's important realities than living in a constant fantasy world that will never come to be.
P.S. I would like to come back here and visit more often, but I will not do so if corrupt minds like that of Richard Olson continue to defame me with pornographic images. I thought Terry cared enough about me to even allow such things to appear? I'm disappointed with both him and you Richard. You men both need to grow up and stop acting like school boys. When that happens, I will return.
Much love, Helen.
QuoteP.S. I would like to come back here and visit more often, but I will not do so if corrupt minds like that of Richard Olson continue to defame me with pornographic images. I thought Terry cared enough about me to even allow such things to appear? I'm disappointed with both him and you Richard. You men both need to grow up and stop acting like school boys. When that happens, I will return.
Much love, Helen.
I guess we will never see Helen again :D
General, I sure hope you were watching Turner Classic Movies late last night because Helen was singing and dancing up a storm for you. The vehicle was an odd little flick called Long Lost Father (1934) in which she plays John Barrymore's estranged daughter, a girl who can more than out-tipple her dad.
This role is as different from the limp and fragile Mina as you can imagine. So maybe she's sending you a message from the cosmic ether – put on your dancing shoes, pop the cork on a bottle of champagne, party all night, and you'll finally find her waiting for you come dawn!
Quote from: helenchandler on January 30, 2008, 11:38:16 AM
You men both need to grow up and stop acting like school boys. When that happens, I will return.
Wait! Stop! Please don't go! Come back here Helen! You don't understand. I was going to ban Richard from the group. I know that picture was repulsive. Please don't leave like this! Won't you please give me a chance to explain Helen? I'm not like the rest of these guys. I adore you for your perseverance through adversity and for your work as a film actress. Yes, I know that you were married and that I am married. I meant no harm or disrespect towards your character. With no help from anyone here, I'm afraid my intentions have been terribly misconstrued. Helen, please give me another chance to explain? I promise this thread will not be poisoned any longer by childish pranksters like Richard Olson. HELEN !! COME BACK !!
Argh .. that damn Richard and his Photoshop shenanigans.
"I will put together an army that will staunchly defend you to the very ends of the earth" Terry Ingram.
Farewell Helen. May your here after be infinitely more rewarding than your time on this planet. Do not labour yourself with such trivialities as we the living must endure, that time has passed. General Terry will gather himself straight and continue on until his meeting with Prince Skiri, and at that time you both can sort it all out. All in all that time is not far off. Rest in Peace.
Soldier of Helen's army, officer of the UMA.
Gary D. Macabre
General,with all due respect to my post, get yourself together Man. You've got an army to run. Run it like a man, defend miss Helen her life and her memory, do not whimper like lost puppy. You bestow no honour on her nor yourself with this simpering. Make her proud and she will wait for you.
Dear Gary. I'm afraid your right. I'm a mess. I've lost all control. First with Helen, and now with my own army. I've been reduced to a blubbering coward. What are the men saying about me? Max, Raymond, Bobby, and Mike all ignore me. Meek mocks me. Craig ridicules me. Richard offends me. Has it come down to this? Oh dear God what has happened to me? How has a fierce and strong General been trivialized by a silly and selfish fantasy? I am tired Gary. Very tired. You be General for today. I've had all I can take. This world has broken me. This army has turned it's back on me. And now Helen has betrayed me. I'm done.
Coming soon: UMA the soap opera. :D
ALRIGHT PEOPLE!!!! Helen is Gone and General Terry is off to the infirmary. You heard the Man I'm in charge for the day. So lets just move along, there's noting more to see here!
Off you go, move along. That's it, back to your posting on other threads. Max, you can lock this one up now.
Acting General for the Day
Gary D. Macabre
To quote my namesake: "There's nothing so restful as taking orders from fools."
Mockery, it's my only weakness.
"Meek"(mock is what Meek doth feed on)
Almost three years ago at the Yahoo UMA, Terry wrote a plaintive valentine to his Helen, and mysteriously, she seemed to answer back! Here is message #24715 by member (?) "helenchndlr":
--- In UniversalMonsterArmy(*at*)yahoogroups.com, "The Famous Monster of
Minneapolis" <fmofmpls(*at*)y...> wrote:
>
> My dear Helen. My heart is found heavy on this Valentine's day. It's
> been almost 40 years since Prince Sirki took you from us. And while
I was still a very young lad in those final and tumultuous years, I
> would eventually come to feel as if I've known you my entire life -
> or should have anyways. If only I could have been there to help fend
> off those demons. Demons of darkness and of spirits.
Dear Mr. Terry Ingram,
Thank you so much for such sweet, kind words. Oh, such words! No
barrier could have kept them from me, as strongly felt as they were.
And yet they were so tender! The mouth has muscles strong enough to
wound, even kill, but they can also make the gentlest kiss. And that
is what you gave me with your words, Mr. Ingram --a kiss through the
ether. So warm, yet lighter than a breeze! The words "Thank you" are
not enough to show how much they mean to me.
I never seemed to quite belong to any one place; perhaps if had felt
more truly tied to some place, someone, or some era, my life would
have been much different. Perhaps if I had finished growing up in
South Carolina, where I lived as a small girl, I would have bloomed
more slowly, and been sturdier. I remember the smell of magnolias in
the yard, and the sights and sounds of beautiful steeds, for my father
bred racehorses there in Charleston--so Spring there was like a
paradise! But Father sent the family out, taking us all to New York
City to live.
At first, I resented being uprooted, but soon I "bloomed," doing very
well as a student in a school for precocious children! I learned to be
an actress by 10, and at II, I was in my first Broadway play! By 15, I
was doing Shakespeare! In the 1920's I was interpreting many classic
roles. It was good to be alive at that time and in that place.
Still, to be working as an actress in the 1920's and 30's, while
changing who you only pretended to be, meant witnessing everyday
people's lives changing in REAL, far more dramatic, ways. Some
changes were for the better (sound came to movies, giving trained
stage actors like me plenty of work!), some were for the worse (the
Depression came and made life so hard for so many.) I was an actress
in Hollywood, and I did not feel like a real person.
But I wanted to be a child again. After I moved to Hollywood, I
thought I was going to play "Alice" in a film they wanted to make of
"Alice In Wonderland." But I was cast as poor, seduced Mina in
"Dracula," and when they finally got around to producing "Alice"
nearly two years later, no one would have ever considered me for sweet
little Alice.
It was worth it, though, for working with Bela was lovely. We talked
about the great playwrights, and the bad ones, and laughed over
memories of stage disasters. And drank together, though we never saw
the other intoxicated (except on the glory of pretending to be someone
else.) But we each sensed in the other how easy our own inner devils
might steal our souls, merely by encouraging us to have "just one
more" drink, or "just one more" injection, to ease our pain. Bela and
I were kindred souls; we both fought dark cravings far worse than what
we portrayed in "Dracula". As you know, he finally faced his, and won
his battle with them, bravely. But as for me, I had to be given a
taste of Renfield's medicine, and was committed to a sanitarium. I was
not as brave as Bela.
Reading of the love you have for the films made at Universal when I
was an actress in Hollywood, you may enjoy knowing that Colin Clive,
father to Mr. Karloff's Monster, was my father in the film
"Christopher Strong". And Bramwell Fletcher, who Mr. Karloff drove mad
in "The Mummy," married me in 1935. But I drove him mad in real life,
I'm afraid, with my drinking, and we divorced in 1940.
I did not know Mr. Karloff well, but Zita Johann told me once that
she saw deep pain and sadness in Mr. Karloff's eyes, though he never
seem to give in to his inner devils. I wished then I could be like
him. Bramwell said he was like a kindly father to all the younger
actors around him. Most importantly, he was a good example. Something
I wished very hard to be, but couldn't.
Some crossroads are difficult to cross. But the love and regard felt
by someone like you, Mr. Ingram, has no impediment. It reaches out
beyond all known limits and provides warmth for the "outward bound"
like myself. Thank you. It is an added lamp to my path.
Helen Chandler
Ah, that was a beautiful reply! Here I was, all ready to say "Smock, smock, smock", and Max comes up with the golden moment from the past and totally disarms me! High marks, Max!
Quote from: Nicole on January 30, 2008, 02:37:38 PM
Coming soon: UMA the soap opera. :D
On today's episode of "As the Stomach Turns"....;)
George
Eu estou indo ser doente.
Have they left yet? Hello .. anyone in here? Good. Now let's try this again without all the distractions. How could Helen possibly take me serious with all the tom foolery that's taken place here?
Ahem. Uh .. Helen, are you there? It's me Terry. I want to apologize for all the nonsense that you've witnessed here. I didn't intend for these guys to follow me inside this thread here. I thought we were alone when I was speaking to you. I can't seem to shake these guys. They're gone now. Can you come out please? Don't be mad. I booted Richard Olson out of the group for his rude behavior. I promise it won't happen again.
Say listen .. I drove by your old apartment today. You know, the Fleur De Lis Apartments in Hollywood? I just needed to go somewhere where I could be near your energy. The place still looks pretty classy on the outside. I'm sorry if this brings back painful memories of your accident.
(http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k107/dabrookman/buildingfront.jpg) (http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k107/dabrookman/sign.jpg)
I felt drawn to go inside and take a look around. Helen, I felt your presence within these walls. I decided to sit a spell and imagine what it must have been like to share a cocktail with you inside the lounge area.
(http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k107/dabrookman/olhlywd.jpg)(http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k107/dabrookman/sittingroom.jpg)
Helen, I must have sat there alone for over 4 hours before the apartment keeper asked me who it was I was waiting for. I told him I was waiting for Helen Chandler. He told me that no one lived there by that name. Oh Helen. :'(
Humph! Is there a doctor in the house? We need some mental white-out over here!
Who'd a thunk it that our Herr General would become an idle roomer--and a lovesick one at that.
"Meek"(my hair doth stand on end--oh, wait--static electricity, never mind)
Hahaha... Este humano olha em vão para um espírito que não esteja lá. É louco! Mas é melhor do que o general falso do UMA com a cabeça da abóbora...
Terry---I've just gotten a message from beyond and Colin Clive said,very politely, to " Once and for all, shut yer cakehole about Helen Chandler."
The English have such a way with words, don't they?
"Meek"(Bob's yer uncle)
Quote from: fmofmpls on January 31, 2008, 06:04:41 PM
Ahem. Uh .. Helen, are you there? It's me Terry. I want to apologize for all the nonsense that you've witnessed here. I didn't intend for these guys to follow me inside this thread here. I thought we were alone when I was speaking to you. I can't seem to shake these guys. They're gone now. Can you come out please? Don't be mad. I booted Richard Olson out of the group for his rude behavior. I promise it won't happen again.
I've learned my lesson and have decided to turn over a new leaf.
If I hand over the negatives to the other 49 nude images* of Helen, can I come back in the group?
Reformed and repentant,
Richard
*...will also surrender some remaining articles of her clothing from the photo shoot.