The WORST Non-Monster film you ever saw.

Started by BlackLagoon, July 01, 2012, 01:57:43 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Haunted hearse

Quote from: Fester on July 05, 2012, 06:05:01 PM
Imagine how homicidal you would have been if you saw more than just the preview! ;D
I saw "Can't Stop the Music When it came out, and LOATHED it.  It was one of the biggest cinema Turds I'd ever had the misfortune to have seen.  That preview only supports what an abomination that film was to so many.  I didn't care for Grease 2, but it was a  was a masterpiece of cinematic art in comparison.
What ever happened to my Transylvania Twist?

BlackLagoon

Quote from: Haunted hearse on July 05, 2012, 02:39:38 PM
  I can understand someone not liking "West Side Story", Anchors Away", and any number of American Musicals made a half century ago, but I think that the later half of the 20th century has produced films far more deserving of disgust.


I'm in total agreement with you and for the record I know alot of the movies I think are horrible are successful films--they just didn't float my boat. Trust me, come by a family gathering during the holidays and as soon as someone goes for that White Christmas dvd and I roll my eyes, there are already a bunch of people saying "This is a classic...what's wrong with you?"--I think this movie sucks, that's what's wrong. Though I wouldn't say that to my aunt in my Sunday best.  ;D

Battleship looked like a parody of some rehashed, military, alien end of the world scenario and I'm sorry but I am going to judge a book by it's cover and say the idea of Rhianna being a Naval officer and doing her part to thwart an alien invasion sounds as stupid as it probably is. I have no idea how Liam Neeson can play Ra's Al Ghul, the father in Taken and a fun and fantastic job of Hannibal in the A-Team then do crap like this.

While Marvel is on fire with these Avengers movies--don't forget they absolutely annihilated some fantastic characters. Daredevil was a joke, Ghost Rider was incredibly bad...Fantastic Four shouldve gone straight to dvd. Elektra might be the worst of the worst--Jennifer Garner as a ninja assasin....right.

I'll take it even further. As a child of the 80's it was pretty much a summer time rite of passage going to see Friday The 13th in the theatre. That franchise has spawned, toys, video games, collectibles of all kinds--and while some of them are fun movies, they're generally fun because they're ridiculous. I do enjoy them to some degree--but face the facts horror fans.....these are silly movies with awful acting and ridiculous plot. Pretty much all of the 80's horror films are this bad as well.

Wanna see a true gem of the big screen?? A film of monumental proportions? KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park  ;D
"I send my murdergram to all the monster kids, it comes right back to me, signed in their parents blood"

Wolfman

City of Angels. The most depressing, God-awful movie I've ever seen. Honorable mention goes to Titanic. What worst list would be complete without it?

JP

Scatter

Quote from: Sean on July 05, 2012, 01:51:52 PM
LOL. ;D
You know, I LOVE HG Lewis.  So I AM putting Chicago UNDER The Wizard of Gore for watchability. ;) 



HELLZ YEAH!! HGL over West SideStory, Chicago, Dork Shadows, Titanic (and pretty much everything else James Cameron has spewed out in the last decade), White Christmas, Grease 2, and anything with Keanu Reeves. No contest.
We're all here because we're not all there.
http://www.distinctivedummies.net/index.html

Haunted hearse

I have no doubt "The Matrix" would have beem much better with Will Smith.  Thanks to his decison to do "Wild Wild West", we got a big cinematic turd with "WWW", and a turd of an actor starring in "The Matrix".
What ever happened to my Transylvania Twist?

Scatter

Quote from: Haunted hearse on July 05, 2012, 10:02:15 PM
I have no doubt "The Matrix" would have beem much better with Will Smith.  Thanks to his decison to do "Wild Wild West", we got a big cinematic turd with "WWW", and a turd of an actor starring in "The Matrix".

The Matrix would have been better with Don Knotts than Keanu Reeves. NIP IT!!!!!
We're all here because we're not all there.
http://www.distinctivedummies.net/index.html

Sean

#51
BOYS!!   ;D  We will NOT turn this into a gratuitous mauling of Keanu Reeves.  That would be terrible waste of energy.  Energy that could otherwise be used to further attack Richard Gere's CHICAGO. >:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OFDvMP0zayk#t=0s

I keep waiting, hoping for a manure truck to crash through the wall and slam into everybody. ;D ;D

Haunted hearse

Sorry, but Gere honestly did a fine job playing a sleezy lawyer in "Chicago", whereas Reves would have trouble playing a cigar store indian.
What ever happened to my Transylvania Twist?

charp13

Has anyone seen Captain Corelli's Mandolin? I lowered my standards one night and watched it, and I can't explain how I feel about it without using profanity  :(

Sean

#54
Quote from: Fester on July 05, 2012, 06:03:26 PM
Part of the problem here seems to be a confusion over out of fashion versus inept when it comes to musicals.

I deeply admire Sinatra, Kelly, Astaire and the rest of the stars of the Golden Age Musicals.  I even respect and admire Crosby and Kaye for their work in Holiday Inn and White Christmas.  Those movies were made for one purpose: Escapist Entertainment.  Life was pretty damned grim in the late Depression, World War II and the Postwar years.  These movies were not intended to portray the world realistically.  Sure, there are references to there being a war on and soldiers & sailors were common sights--everybody had a friend or relative in uniform. However, these movies had lots of sappy comedy, schmaltzy romance and totally unrealistic song and dance numbers. And that is exactly what made these movies hits.  People needed and wanted relief from the stresses of life as they saw it. 

You want realism?  Then On the Town should have shown our heroes getting drunk; hiring hookers in the alley; getting rolled and robbed; puking up all over their liberty whites; being tossed in the brig by the Shore Patrol; put on report; and once at sea, dying blown to pieces by shrapnel or drowning on an oil covered sea as their ship is sunk.  I'll take the dancing.

Times have changed. Fashions have changed.

Some of the worst musicals (and bad movies in general) are a result of a bad idea, poor script, inept direction, and non-existent acting.  Case in point: Bruce Jenner was a brilliant athlete-- Decathlon gold medal in '75 Pan American Games and '76 Montreal Olympics.  But did it qualify him as an actor?  Did Nancy Walker (the housekeeper on McMillan and Wife) who had some sit-com directing experience, have the vision or ability do direct a theatrical movie?  I think the answer here was NO.  That movie lost $18 Million dollars.  Now, that is a bad movie.

David, damn you and your lucid, tempered, thoughtful response.  You and your historically accurate facts and such.  You're impinging my ripping of the Chairman of the Board and Gene Kelly for dressing up like the kid on the Cracker Jack box and tippy-toeing around like a pair of Shirley Temples. 

(Cue to 2:10)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zpqt3zgdYUw&feature=player_embedded#t=20s

Yes, no doubt movies of certain eras were an escape from VERRY hard times.  As a matter of fact-----most are... and it's what I look for in most movies/ if not all----------an escape.

I'm the last guy who 'wants realism'.  I have no problem with the sappy comedy and schmaltzy romance. I love AMC and I am watching A LOT of films from mid-late 30s to early 1950s.  I just don't believe the choice ever needed to be either (A) depressing tales of mortality OR (B) sissies prancing around in Cracker Jack kid outfits.

 

There's gotta be 'C'.  I'll take the dancing (and I don't mind dancing-----but AGAIN------we're talking about HIGHLY prissified scampering) over the depressing realities of the time-------but how about NEITHER? How about a solid Plan 'C'?

Even better.... how about a Plan 9. 8)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=oHRq80QNnJM#t=35s

Sean

#55
Quote from: charp13 on July 06, 2012, 12:55:45 AM
Has anyone seen Captain Corelli's Mandolin? I lowered my standards one night and watched it, and I can't explain how I feel about it without using profanity  :(

I DO recall the title.  What a ridiculous title.  Never was there a chance of me watching it just based on that.

'Lorenzo's Oil' also got DQ'd before it got out of the blocks with me based on title. ;D

Sean

#56
Quote from: Haunted hearse on July 06, 2012, 12:53:37 AM
Sorry, but Gere honestly did a fine job playing a sleezy lawyer in "Chicago", whereas Reves would have trouble playing a cigar store indian.

I'm really bashing the film moreso than Gere.  It was just a terrible movie to me. 8)

charp13

I have no idea what Lorenzo's Oil is, but now I wanna know--hahahaha!! I also despise Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, and although I've never actually watched it all....Steel Magnolias. Hating those crappy movies might get me kicked out of lady-ville, but I don't care. Ahhhh.....I feel FREE!!
I love John C. Reilly, but I also hated that movie." Chicago must be for a more cultured audience", I thought, while sitting in the theater on Christmas. My daughter forced us to see it, and I did enjoy Catherine Zeta Jones's costumes and hairdo, I did not enjoy anything else about it.

Sean

Quote from: charp13 on July 06, 2012, 01:29:46 AM
I have no idea what Lorenzo's Oil is, but now I wanna know--hahahaha!! I also despise Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, and although I've never actually watched it all....Steel Magnolias. Hating those crappy movies might get me kicked out of lady-ville, but I don't care. Ahhhh.....I feel FREE!!
I love John C. Reilly, but I also hated that movie." Chicago must be for a more cultured audience", I thought, while sitting in the theater on Christmas. My daughter forced us to see it, and I did enjoy Catherine Zeta Jones's costumes and hairdo, I did not enjoy anything else about it.

Atta girl.  We can cozy up to our awful JAWS re-edits instead of Chicago. ;D

Zackuth

Lorenzo's Oil is a movie about a child that gets some disease which is fatal.  The child's doctors pretty much tell the parents that all they can do is watch him die.  The parents, with no medical training, investigate their sons condition and try to find a why to save him.  It is supposed to be based on a true story.  I watched it, again it was my wife's turn to pick the movie, and enjoyed it.

Flipping through channels I noticed Chicago was on.  Passed it by.
"Listen to them; the children of the night.  What music they make!"  Dracula