Hello My Love. Where art thou?

[helenchandler]

Hello Universal Monster Army. My name is Helen Chandler. I played Mina in the 1931 Dracula film starring Bela Lugosi. I am now 102 yrs old. Unfortunately, I am no longer alive in the flesh and blood. I am now at peace in a much better place. Typically, people who have crossed over to the other side are no longer able to communicate with those who are still being tested here on Earth, but I have been granted an exception to this rule, and it is therefore possible for me to come here.

I am looking for someone named Terry Ingram. Some refer to him as a General? Is he in the armed services helping us with the war effort? I have not been able to find him anywhere. I'm a bit embarrassed in telling you all of my fondness for him. I really don't even know him at all. It's just that I've been feeling his sympathetic vibrations for such a long time that I, uh, well .. I don't even what to say. I just feel I need to speak with him. And he needs to speak with me.

Sorry if I have intruded upon your discussions in anyway. I need to go back now. They're calling me. I will check back later.

Much love, Helen.     

[fmofmpls]

Oh my dear Helen .. is that you? It's me Terry! Speak to me darling! I've crossed oceans of time to find you. Where are you my dear? Come to me please! My heart is so heavy. I've been as patient as any man could possibly be. Is this the time? Do I need to get my affairs in order? Are we to be united together in a better place? Oh dear Helen, take me from this wretched army! They speak only of material things here. My heart is in bondage to you only my dear and not to a bunch of silly toys. HELEN! COME TO ME MY LOVE! I'M HERE! SPEAK TO ME HELEN!

[Wich2]

OOOOKEY - DOOOKEY...

this is now officially "weird"!

(Paging the lovely Ms. Ingram...)

[fmofmpls]

What do you have to do with this Mr. Lincoln? I have not been channeling you Mr. President. This affair is between Helen and myself. You've got the wrong thread and the wrong century honest Abe.

Now where is my Helen? Won't somebody tell me where she went?

[CreepyJeff]

I hate to break it to you General, but uh...word is she's been swapping spit with Charles Laughton.  Poor Elsa - she could do nothing to bring him over to "the other team" but seems Helen has just the right touch. 

Now you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to my netherworld surfing and hook up with MY classic horror heart-throb.  "Oh Evelyn?  Ankers away my love!" 

[fmofmpls]

Lies! Lies! I tell you all lies! Jeff your treading on thin ice here. Take your Evelyn Ankers dream and start your own damn thread. This is my thread and my fantasy now turning into reality. And neither Craig nor you are going to ruin it for me! You heard her speak! She's come back! What's wrong with you people! Helen my love! Pay them no mind. They're weirdos who obsess over toys. Speak to me my love!

[Meek]

    Cold bucket of water for Mr. Ingram, please.

[MageCoffinJoe]

Eh, estúpido.  Sua mulher está morte, inoperante, terminado!  Descansa no subsolo.  Deteriorar e repugnar.

Fracos humanos.  Eu sou feito do plástico.  Eu nunca deteriorarei.  Eu sou superior!

[MegoZéDoCaixão]

Tudo é mentira. Todos os humanos serão destruídos. O estranho brinquedo serão destruídas. Eu sou superior a todos vocês!

[Richard]

I'm ashamed    to do this and would like to apologize to everyone in advance...
but it's for the good of the Army and the General's well-being, after all!
Richard

[CreepyJeff]

That sound you heard was that of General Terry's head hitting the floor as he fell out of his chair.  (Yowzers!)

[fmofmpls]

Richard, you sure know how to make certain things tingle. Good lord! That's incredible looking stuff! Do you have this file in a larger size? I'll take it anyway I can get it! Please send me an attachment of said pic and I will reward you handsomely. I am however a little disturbed at seeing my dear Helen exposed in front of so many hungry wolves. If I catch anybody coveting this picture, I'll have them thrown into the brig for the rest of the month.

[fmofmpls]

Now where were we? Oh yes! Helen had heard my call and came looking for me. Then came the interruptions. Neither Craig, nor Meek, nor Jeff, nor Portuguese talking toys, can disrupt my eternal quest for Helen. Not even downed servers can extinguish our love for one another.

Helen my love! I hear your voice! I tried to speak to you but the obstacles are many. Fear not my love, our connection is broken no longer. Oh, how I yearn for your touch! Must I remain amongst this wretched army for yet another day? Have you not come for me my love? I've waited a lifetime for this moment. I simply cannot afford to wait another. My work is done here. Take me my love. Let Raymond run this popcorn stand. I need to be with you. Touch you. Hold you. Feel you. Helen?   

[Meek]

    I do believe that I shall be ill---right here on the new carpet.

    I say Terry, isn't your sweetie getting cold standing there starkers like that? Oh wait, that's a good thing for the goosflesh will add some much needed bumps to her anatomy.

    "Meek"(looking for the UMA official barf bag)

[The Drunken Severed Head]

The psychic Drunken Severed Head says: I see Terry plunging off a cliff or tower into the sea, reaching for his ghostly love! Don't love affairs with ghosts always turn out like that?

Been nice knowing you, Terry!