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Author Topic: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead  (Read 344996 times)

packy120353

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WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« on: March 17, 2008, 06:30:32 AM »
Good moaning everyone! I'm not Irish but most of you are painfully aware that I write limericks. A reknown member whom we refer to as Meek suggested recently that we might trade limericks on St. Paddy's day. To that end I have come up with three little doozies and sorry Meek, I like you too much to make you bear this horror on your own so for your own good I am spreading the pain around evenly. Please no offense meant to anyone I like and any similarities to a real person is purely inevitable. Also do let me know what you think of these, only one is really monster-related (but it's my favorite).  Readem and weep:

The Irish and Martians have been
interbreeding again and again.
There's proof they're related -
both their homes populated
with nothing but little green men!

Our children today are misled.
Watching TV until time for bed.
While their parents get stewed
Irish kiddies are cued
by St Patrick on Spongebob instead.

An Irish Vampire has got to
suck your blood even though he knows not to
But you can't really blame
when revealed his name
is none other than Nosfer O'Atu

Peace be to Ireland
pk


Meek

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2008, 10:39:34 AM »

    Well now, I'm not Irish nor do I play one on TV but I do have an Irish sense of humour(that's what happens when the USAF crosses with the Luftwaffe), so I shall rise to the challenge and add a few of my own.
    The first one 'tis my own, written whilst I had a cogitate in a hot bath this fine morning after removing 3 inches of wet snow from the sidewalks:

      "Fritz had a right dirty job,
       What with assorted graves to rob.
       Dr. Henry stated that
       He must wear a cravat,
       And Fritz thought to himself "Coo, wot a snob!"

    The rest are classics from Bennett Cerf's "Out On a Limerick":


       "There was a young monk in Siberia
        Whose existence grew steadily drearier.
        Until he broke from his cell
        With a Hell of a yell,
        And eloped with the Mother Superior."

       "There once was a spinsterish lass
         Who constructed her patties from brass.
         When asked "Do they chafe?"
         She replied "Yes, but I'm safe---
         From pinches and snakes in the grass."

        "There was a yong lady from Tottenham,
         Whose manners she'd quite forgotten 'em.
         While at tea at the Vicker's,
         She took off her knickers,
         Explaining she was much too hot in 'em."
 
   

        "The limerick is furtive and mean
          And you must keep her in close quarantine
          Or she sneaks off the to slums
          And immediately becomes,
          Disorderly, drunk and obscene."
         
   Today I'm wearing my Notre Dame green sweatshirt and people will ask if I attended said college and I always reply "No, but I have a crooked back." and watch the puzzled look on their faces.

    Hoots!

    "Meek"
"I am like a Unicorn in a racing stable. Beast doesn't fit."   T.E.Lawrence

Meek

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2008, 08:26:38 PM »

     Paul:  Since I've been sifting the sands of time in my room in a vain attempt to put things in order I've had to put my limericking on the back burner until just a short while ago---looks like it'll just be you and me doing this.
     Well, hold yer nose and here we go:


     "Elder Robert of the UMA
      Has many a collection---they say.
      From worldly Vincent Price
      He's got knick-knacks quite nice,
      But how much he spent he won't say."


     "When Jane & Max did wed
       Many thought Jane's reason had fled.
       But its really no surprise,
       For Jane is exceedingly wise
       And had always be told she'd get a head."


      "A certain Pvt. named "Meek"
       With an Avatar depicting a Sheik
       Is often prosaic
       About things archaic
       And likes to give the odd ego a tweak."


       And one from Bennett Cerf:

      "An accident really uncanny
       Befell a respectable granny:
       She sat down on a chair
       While her false teeth were there
       And bit herself right in the fanny."


       "Meek"
"I am like a Unicorn in a racing stable. Beast doesn't fit."   T.E.Lawrence

The Drunken Severed Head

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2008, 02:44:17 AM »
Meek, stereotypical librarian,
Had an inner life oh so barbarian.
She wanted to make
Like a certain fair sheik--
But was trapped in a life too agrarian.

Meek

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2008, 10:58:30 AM »

    General Terry is always a'tellin'
    Of his passion for a dame named Helen.
    If this reached his dear wife
    Just think of the strife
    There'd be no end to all of the yellin'.


"I am like a Unicorn in a racing stable. Beast doesn't fit."   T.E.Lawrence

Meek

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2008, 06:55:39 PM »

   "The UMA is very well known
    As being humorously prone.
    With high-flown quips,
    And occasional snips
    Its always guaranteed for a groan."

 

      Come on you lot, crank up yer brains and write a few effing limericks!


       "Meek"(talking to myself)
"I am like a Unicorn in a racing stable. Beast doesn't fit."   T.E.Lawrence

packy120353

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2008, 08:44:15 PM »
I'm too preoccupied tonight to think straight but here's one of my favorite old ones in case you forgot it!

The Hunchback ate beans, not a few.
And filled his belltower with "phew!".
So instead of that perch
He came down to the Church,
taking sanctuary in his own pew.









CreepyJeff

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2008, 01:26:45 PM »
You guys are putting up some great ones!  Thanks for posting these. 

I'd love to participate but I'm afraid my limericks all involve "Girls from Gavot", "Men from Nantuckett" and "Men from Trent".  Not suitable for this forum I'm afraid.  (But funny.)

Creepy Jeff (indeed)
"Work...Finish.  Then sleep!"

Meek

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2008, 02:52:04 PM »

    You forgot the Old Lady From France . . .
"I am like a Unicorn in a racing stable. Beast doesn't fit."   T.E.Lawrence

packy120353

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2008, 06:33:06 PM »
and you forgot...the girl from Galoobs (there once was)

Y'know, I'm about Limericked out for now and ready to move back to more mature and intelligent conversation.  BRAAP hey who baked one? Heehaw!

Meek

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2008, 10:46:53 AM »

     Ahem. Good moaning, indeed.


     In a certain European area
     Of the wee village of Vasaria.
     Locals are always out of luck
     When various monsters run amok
     And they live in a state of hysteria.


     Packy's rhyming skill has shown
     To cause an occasional moan.
     But of late his poor brain
     Has suffered a strain
     And Meek is stuck in The Limerick Zone.
     
"I am like a Unicorn in a racing stable. Beast doesn't fit."   T.E.Lawrence

The Drunken Severed Head

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2008, 12:07:33 PM »
A cat in despondency sighed,
and planned to commit suicide.
She fell under the wheels
of eight automobiles--
And after the ninth one, she died!

BARON TIMOTHEUS BGG

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2008, 02:49:56 PM »
DEAR UMA FANG-MILY,
... Considering that we are professionals, our decorum should be of a proper gravity, and, educational, as well. Hence, i make this offering:

In the UMA Army, so gay,
It is free, so, no-one must pay,
Yet, there once was an Ootmah,
A WEREWOLF, who'd shoot ya,
If, you said, that, he wears a toupee!

Happy ST. PADDY'S WAGON!
EXANIMO EVERNOW,
BARON O'WOLF-BLARNEY-STONE

Jim Bertges

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2008, 11:56:42 PM »
There was a young fella named Max,
Lost his head people said to an axe.
Through life he keeps sloggin,
Though he's just a noggin
And his pal Jim Beam helps him relax.
You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

BARON TIMOTHEUS BGG

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Re: WARNING:Irish Limericks Ahead
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2008, 09:13:15 AM »
That UMA General, named TERRY,
Has an odd body, quite hairy,
Now, on his trusty web-cam,
He smears his body, with SPAM...
Reminds me, of MOE, CURLY, & LARRY!